Cleaning last night went long because I spent half the time crying. Alone in the school with mop and bucket, walls rattling News of the World, I realize how shaky I feel and then I'm suddenly sobbing. It lasts a minute.

     A little later, I see a box of cheez-its and, Beat Surrender notwithstanding, I'm weeping again.

     Later still, when it's already 1015 and I wish I was done and I'm tired of feeling harrassed by my feelings, I think of how it'd be nice to to walk home and a second later I'm crying again.

     "Why do I feel like this?!" I yell, and throw down the mop -- haltingly, pathetically, because I don't want to make a mess.


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